I miss Ray's Dad. Jay, Jennifer and Ben have no idea what it means to me for them to come over here just about every night for dinner. While "Dad" was in the hospital they would come over on Mondays and Fridays for dinner and wrestling just like we when Dad was around and Ray, Juliana and I would go over to their house.
Now, they come over, like I said, just about every night unless something major comes up. I do not know if it helps them all as much as it helps me. But on the days they do not come over it feels so empty in the house. Almost lonely.
If your are asking why we don't still go over to their house. Well, for one the bathrooms are not finished from repairs yet and honestly I am not even sure what is going on with all of it at this point. But the main reason why I try not to even think about going over there is I know it will hit me the hardest once I walk in the door and don't see him in his big recliner or in his bedroom playing solitaire on his computer.
Normally if he did not greet us/me at the door we/I (including Juliana) would all go back to the back of the house to his bedroom. I would peek in the door first to make sure I wasn't disturbing his nap, or the like. I would say "Hi, Dad" or "Helloooo Daddy" and he would say "Hi Jessie" or "Hey Jessie" and he would always ask how I was doing, always. He did that with everyone. If Jules was in there he would turn to her and ask "How's my little Peep Peep doing today?"
The only thing that is hard whenever Jay, Jennifer and Ben do leave is no one hardly ever says "Love you" or "Love you all". Our relationships with each other are different somehow. I mean we all know we love each other, but rarely say it.
Dad would always say, as we were leaving him house, "Love you" in some context and immediately following he would say "See you guys tomorrow. " Even if he knew it was a good chance he might not see us for whatever reason the next day. So it never fails to hit me every time Jay and Jennifer walk out our front door at night.
Aside from the foremost mentioned I miss not being able to call him when I have a question I think he might be able to answer, or even just to get him perspective on a situation. His opinion or knowledge on any subject always meant the world to me. The times that he would not know an answer to something would leave me a little shocked.lol He was never afraid to say "I don't know," but nearly always had some kind of funny, insightful or down right truthful answer to whatever IT happened to be.
Okay, well for right now I feel some better and am going to go to bed. I just needed to write some of the things down to kind of get it all out of my head, for the time being anyway.
